I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
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