we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
