Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
They are going to name an STD after you.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
