you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
