There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
