ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Randomize
