The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Randomize
