it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
