dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
