If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
