You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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