i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Randomize
