Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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