all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
