are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
