if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
