it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
