Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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