if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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