New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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