Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
