My nipple is on Facebook.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
