I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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