I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
