I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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