I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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