I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
