I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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