stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
