Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
