6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
