She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize