First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
