I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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