so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize