so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
