I just saw a hot homeless man
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
you never un-have a 4some
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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