its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
