She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
