she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
