if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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