Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
So apparently I’m into choking now
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