I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
