His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
