I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize