Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
