I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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