my mouth tastes like poor choices
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
