By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
