Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
