I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
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