Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize