I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize