if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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