I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
