Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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