U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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