I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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