just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
soo... how was my night?
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