Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
