isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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