that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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