Define "chronic" masturbator.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
