Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
