I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She needs sedatives and a leash
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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