their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
