omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
