You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
