The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
