How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Can I color on your dick again?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
