Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize