Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
