Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
