omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
